Ok…so you’ve noticed that usually, when you talk to a girl, her eyes tend to glaze over after about 30 seconds. Even though she responded well at first…somehow she’s losing interest quickly. Until she starts to look around for an excuse to leave. Why is this happening? There are two possible reasons:

1. She just put her glasses on and realized that you’ve got a strange face.
2. You’re boring her.

Given that you can’t do anything about Reason 1 lets focus on Reason 2: You’re boring her. How are you boring her?

Well, scientifically speaking, everything that is expected by the other person’s brain and then happens is likely to bore it. (Unless of course it’s got an element of pleasure in it and in that case it turns into “anticipation” and “reward”) Confused? I give you an example:

How excited and stimulated do you get when you meet someone that asks you things like: “So, do you come here often?” or “So, what do you do for a living?” or my favorite: “So, where are you from?”?

Not very. Unless she’s rubbing the inside of your leg at the same time. It’s boring at worst and unstimulating at best. And when you answer you are going through the motions. And if girls habitually zone out after half a minute of talking to you it’s likely that you’re not stimulating her brain or anything else. And they go through the motions with you.

SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

You should avoid playing it safe and talking like you assume you should talk in order to be like everyone else. More specifically you should avoid saying all the things that men typically say in the way that they typically say them…like asking the kind of questions above. You should stimulate her brain and her emotions when you speak to her.

AND HOW DO YOU DO THAT, EXACTLY?

By surprising her, constantly putting something new into the conversation, initiating a new topic, aiming to have an impact on her, being in what I call an “active communication mindset”. But right now I want to give you one key strategy, that if you just remember this you’ll be on the right track:

SAY IT DIFFERENTLY!

That is the easiest way to stimulate her brain, her mind and her emotions whenever you talk to a girl and because it’s so simple you can remember it instantly. So here are a few examples:

Instead of saying: “So what do you do for a living?” say: “What do you do for cash?” Instead of asking her: “what’s your name?” say: “What does your mom call you?” Instead of saying: “Can I have your number please?” you might say: “So I guess I should take your number…” and pretend that you’ve GOT to do it to not be impolite.

As I said: JUST SAY IT DIFFERENTLY.

(And of course, right now, forget what I just said as examples…because you should challenge yourself to come up with new ways of saying things by yourself!) Look…if you’re always saying what the safest, commonest way of saying that thing is, you WILL bore women. And your friends too. You will even BORE YOURSELF. So challenge yourself to get playful, inventive and have a bit of fun by coming up with DIFFERENT ways of saying or asking what you’re saying or asking.

Do this ONE thing and you’ll notice how women’s reactions totally change. Best thing? You’ll actually start ENJOYING having conversations with people including cute women.

WHAT TO DO NOW?

Try it out. In your everyday conversations. Practice “saying it differently”. It helps to enjoy the process. When you go shopping, when you speak to people on the phone, when you’re at university or when you’re talking to your friends.

Challenge yourself to SAY IT DIFFERENTLY.

So I’m going to share 3 secrets of how to flirt with women. These are dating tips you can use to make it much easier to flirt with women that you meet anywhere you go.

Tip 1: They want you to win.

A lot of guys don’t approach women during the day because they’re afraid of what other people would think about what they’re doing. It’s easy to be embarrassed in advance of actually flirting with women, but you can’t let that stop you from doing what you need to – even if you think that everyone is watching you.

Let me tell you this: Almost every single person who sees a guy approaching or about to flirt with a woman is secretly rooting for you to pull it off and succeed.

The simple fact is that most people are so absorbed in their own life, they don’t even notice when you’re practicing how to flirt with women. And the ones that do notice don’t care at all.

The only people who exist are you and whoever you’re approaching.

This will be hard to internalize at first, but practice makes perfect.

Tip 2: Start with nothing.

If you’re wondering about what to say when you’re trying to figure out how to flirt with women, here’s a rule that works in 99% of the situations you will find yourself in: If you just make a comment about the situation you’re in – whether that’s a coffee shop, or a grocery store freezer section, or whatever – if you just make a comment about what you’re doing as a way to open the conversation, that’s all you need.

For example, let’s say you’re getting your morning Starbucks, and you’re in line next to a tall Swedish girl with legs all the way to her neck. The easiest way for how to flirt with women in this way would be to just ask her what her favorite roast or variety is.

And if she doesn’t respond immediately, you have to understand that it has nothing to do with you. Women walk around all day up in their heads, so you may have to persist to break her out of her shell.

Another easy way to open is to simply say something like “Hey I saw you back there and I noticed you have an interesting style, I had to come over and say hi.”

With this one, shes going to stop for a couple seconds like “Oh wow, ok :-)”…she’s gonna stop, she’s not gonna start talking to you instantly…she’s gonna give you like 10 seconds that you can use to follow up with something to carry the conversation forward.

For example, your followup might be “You’ve got this Spanish thing going on, whats your background?” if she’s wearing something Spanish themed.

Now, after that “line”, you can quickly follow up with it to peek more interest from her and a response. More than often, what you say the first time matters less than the next thing.

Another simple one is “Whats your name, I haven’t met you yet?”.

Easy peazy.

Tip 3: To the victor goes the spoils.

The ultimate determinant of whether you’ll be successful in learning how to flirt with women is very simple. It’s the ability to feel the fear and do it anyways! The simple truth is that most guys will never motivate themselves to approach and talk to a woman under any situation. They’re just too chicken to do it. They let their emotions get in the way of the results.

It’s the same thing for any field, really. In weight training, the guy that gets results is the one that goes to the gym, pays his dues with a little sweat, and doesn’t let his laziness or his negative emotions stop him from doing what he must to succeed.

The same is true of learning how to flirt with women. The easiest way to get results is to just DO SOMETHING, but most men will simply talk themselves out of it.

This should be a relief to you. After all, that means that the playing field is much smaller than you might have thought. Less than 1 in 10 guys will ever act on their desire and discover how to flirt with women. That means that if you just DO IT, you’ll already beat 90% of all the guys out there.

The Lesson: Think less, act more. Flirting isn’t complicated.

Summary: The Nike slogan is a little simplistic, but once you understand what is really holding you back, the “just do it” advice is more helpful than you might assume. I say this as a Vans guy. Let’s start by establishing right now what it is that stops you from acting:

WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

Yep. That’s the only thing that stops you from doing the things you know you should be doing. And it’s because of these two particular dysfunctional thought patterns that your thinking will mess you up:

1) Imagining horrible consequences that DO NOT EXIST

2) Not planning and preparing yourself so that you can feel confident in that situation and act anyway

There is nothing physically different about a man that walks up to a woman and talks to her than the one that doesn’t, other than what he is THINKING beforehand. There is no special “talk to women” gene, or a special “approach women” brain cell cluster – or any other special gift that this guy has that you can’t develop. Arguing to the contrary is a major COP OUT that will kill your success with women. Now, for the sake of understanding this phenomenon in men, here’s what’s going on in the brain of the guy who can’t find the courage. These are belief systems that are tripping him up and ruining his self-confidence:

• Women are scary. They are somehow different in a mystical way.
• My value as a man is at stake here. Women have the ability to judge me and make me less valuable.
• I’m not secure enough in my own value to believe that I have enough to offer a woman. Why would she want to talk to ME?
• If she rejects me, I’ll be in incredible pain.

Now let’s look at the other side. Here’s what the confident guy is thinking – the guy that DOES approach women and talk to them:

• I’m valuable. No other person can alter that in any way.
• I’m not scared. There’s no reason to be – She’s not better than me.
• There’s no down-side to approaching her. What’s the worst thing that can happen? She’s not interested? Big deal, there’s more fish in the sea.
• And if I don’t try to meet her, she STILL won’t be interested. I lose both ways if I do nothing.
• There’s no way I can let a gal like that get away without experiencing the joy of having someone like me in her life. She’d never forgive me if she found out I didn’t give her that chance.

I don’t mean to beat the self-esteem horse to death here, but the reality is that if a man believes – wholeheartedly – in his value and his power, he fears no man, woman, child, or small furry mammal. AND to understand this on an even deeper level, the man who doesn’t believe in himself actually believes in SOMETHING ELSE – besides himself, like:

• A woman’s opinion of me is more important than my own.
• Woman have a secret power and are mysterious sacred beings that only the most gifted men can attract and sleep with.

Etc. The list goes on and on.

And so do the rationalizations and self-esteem head games we play. You can’t be intimidated by a person unless you believe that their opinion about you is more important or more valuable than your own. You may even think that everything I’ve been saying here is a bunch of “mind tricks.” In reality, there are no “tricks.” Only methods of showing you how the man who is successful thinks instead of … well, the other kind of guy. The wimp. The Wuss.

Tell me, what are YOU thinking when you see a woman you want to talk to? Here’s a clue:

If you’re thinking AT ALL YOU ARE THINKING TOO MUCH!

In other words, you need to just ACT and not entertain the reality of the loser. Don’t give your mind the chance to talk you out of it. Remember, the pussy, beta male loserboy voice hangs out in your head, just waiting to sabotage you. That is why you act immediately. Some people call this the “Three Second Rule,” but I think that’s too long. It’s really the “Instantly Move Rule.”

If you don’t already know what you’re going to say when you see a woman you want to meet, you’re not prepared enough, and there’s nothing new you’re going to figure out while you’re sitting there spinning on your bar stool working up your courage, other than how to talk yourself out of it, which is what most men do!

Take a few minutes right now to come up with a few opening topics (not “lines”). Things like, “Hey, I’m looking for a woman’s opinion on something. My friend is trying to meet his next girlfriend. Where do you think he should go to meet quality women?” That’s simple, cute, and almost guarantees a chat with a woman.

Sit down for a few minutes right now … Let me say that again… RIGHT NOW!!!! and plan out a couple introductions like that. Memorize them. Then you need never worry about what you’re going to do EVER AGAIN. It’s on your “hard drive” and ready to roll. Part of the reason you’re “working up courage” is because you’ve got no idea what you’re going to say or do. If you did, you could just mindlessly fall back on that plan and … uh… Just Do It.

I can promise you this:

• She won’t dump her drink in your face.
• She won’t slap you.
• She won’t tell all her friends about you and laugh hysterically.

(If any of the next 100 women you talk to does any of these things, I’ll be shocked…)

In fact, the worst I EVER experience is a slight frigid behavior from her that tells you she’s got issues or she just isn’t ready for you. So move on. Nothing lost. (Except a rude woman who isn’t what you want in your life.)

Remember: Don’t place your validation in a woman’s hands. She isn’t qualified for that job.

Only YOU are.

Get to the point where you understand everything I said in this post, not just at a LOGICAL level – or even at a “Yeah, that kinda makes sense” level – but at an EMOTIONAL “Holy Shit, that’s POWERFUL” level. Where it slams you in the gut and makes you pace your apartment in utter disbelief. When this revelation does hit, you’ll be changed for good. And for the better. It’s easy to look at the other guys out there who can just walk up and talk to women with no problem as somehow “gifted.” They seem almost granted a mystical power that the ordinary guy can’t relate to.

• So how do they DO it?

It’s not magic, or a special power. In fact, once you understand the workings of women enough, it’s really pretty simple. You’ll wonder why in the world you were so intimidated at all. The only “magic” you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action. Look, there are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world. Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman? Getting laid is not about getting “lucky.”

It’s about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you’ll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It’s deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate. BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That’s all they ask of you. Do you ever feel like you’re at a loss when it comes to approaching women and getting them interested in you – romantically? Read the next couple paragraphs carefully, because it has a DIRECT IMPACT ON YOU…

Women are attracted to several key behaviors in men. These are things that many guys don’t know are attractive to women because it goes against what they think of as “nice.” The ideas I’ve just discussed above are what I consider to be essential behaviors to incorporate in your identity. These are a critical part of dating success with women. Most guys spend no time improving their skills with women, and they end up chickening out when the time is right to approach women. They’d rather sit back and talk about what they WOULD do, but not actually muster up the courage to DO IT.

Just do it.

The Lesson: Just do it.

First of all, when you discover how to flirt with women, you realize that it’s not about pickup lines or seduction techniques – or any of that. It’s about something that guys give a lot of lip service to, but don’t focus on nearly enough. Stay with me and I’ll reveal what that something is.

In Flirting 101 I revealed these 3 flirting mistakes: Waiting too long to approach or start the conversation, flirting with your mouth instead of your whole body, and asking for a date instead of just a small “upsell.” Here are 3 more!

Mistake 4: Complimenting a woman’s looks.

The first thing I see a lot of plugged in guys go for is the flattery angle when they try to flirt with women. WRONG! The unfortunate part is that this tactic does work, but not when it’s done carelessly.

The best thing to compliment a woman on is her appearance, but not on the parts that come naturally to her. The things she was given – her looks or genetic traits – don’t feel earned. Better is to compliment her on her CHOICE in appearance. The easiest way to do this is to compliment her on her clothes or jewelry.

You see, her appearance is something that she had to consciously think about and choose, and compliments you make about this are felt far more deeply. Women are looking for validation – as everyone is. But when you’re validated on something that you can’t control such as her appearance and looks (except with make-up and hair products), it doesn’t resonate.

Remember that when you want to know how to flirt with women, you have to target the areas that she is most likely to respond to.

Mistake 5: Relying on words alone.

This is quite similar to Mistake 2 in my Flirting 101 post, but I really want to drill this whole body language thing in.

Again, most guys think that a woman is only listening to what he’s saying when he walks up, and that she will believe what he says. The guys who are the best at meeting women know that what you say is just about the least important thing when you discover how to flirt with women.

Women are actually keying in on a bunch of signals from you, including your body language, tonality, and eye contact. All of these things are much more important than the words you say. In fact, when men focus too much on words, they actually turn women off because they become ten times more obvious by saying it instead of hinting at it with their body language.

No matter what you say, women know immediately when you’re hitting on them.

Being smooth is overrated.

Don’t be smooth.

Mistake 6: Not being GENUINE.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the hidden ingredient for how to flirt with women is really simple: it’s sincerity. It’s your authenticity and willingness to just be yourself. It’s because this is what she needs to know in order to trust you and feel safe around you.

The big mistake that most guys make is to try to hide their interest in a woman, and hide their sexuality in the process. This is what kills attraction for women because they sense a man who is not in harmony with himself. He will seem like he’s trying to be deceptive, even when he’s doing what he thinks the woman wants.

Or, if he’s not honest about his interest, she will think he’s “just friends” material, and that kills attraction right away. Not to mention that converting a woman from a friend into more is ten times harder than if you just did it right in the first place.

When you try to keep your sexual interest hidden, she will also sense that you’ve got a hidden agenda.

And that feels plain sneaky.

The real source of attraction is always in the power of uncertainty with a woman, while being true to yourself. When she feels your power as a man, and doesn’t know where she stands with you, that leaves the door wide open for romance when you’re learning how to flirt with women.

I hope you took something useful out of this.

Flirt mistake 1: Waiting too long to approach or start the conversation.

If there’s any dating advice for men that stands the test of time, it’s this one. Women are estimating your confidence level based on how long you wait until you approach. The longer it takes, the more interest and attraction she loses for you.

The second she notices you, and knows that you have noticed her, a timer starts in her head. And if you hesitate, that tells her you’re not as confident as she wants you to be. And if it takes TOO LONG, she’s going to find it creepy that you’re looking and not doing something.

So here’s my advice for men who want to avoid this mistake:

The second you see an attractive woman, your mind is going to try to stop you from going over to meet her. And there is no logical reason why for this, other than you feel a natural hesitation.

Just get into the habit of walking over within 3 seconds of seeing a woman you want to meet. 1-2-3. Showtime.

You don’t need a clever line to get her to talk to you. (In fact, using ‘lines’ on women often makes them more reluctant to talk.) Say hello and get right to it. Don’t try to be smooth.

Flirt mistake 2: Flirting with your mouth instead of your whole body.

Guys often make the mistake of being a bit too direct when they talk with women. The most important thing to recognize about women is that they like “indirectly direct” communication. Meaning that you can flirt-talk with her, but you have to give her “plausible deniability” the whole time you’re talking with her.

What is “Plausible deniability”? It’s the ability for a woman to deny that she had taken the lead or initiative in flirting or leading you on. She wants to hint to you that she’s interested, but she often can’t because of the amount of social pressure put on women to not be the pursuer. She also wants to be chased herself, so you want to give her the ability to write her own story about how it all happened.

So here’s my dating advice for men who want to avoid this mistake:

Instead of saying things like: “Wow, you sure are beautiful…” or “God must be missing an angel up in heaven…”, find ways of communicating your appreciation with your body language.

One of the best ways you can make a woman feel cherished and appreciated is simply to use more eye contact. Just look from eye to eye, and occasionally let your eyes stray down to her lips – or to her hair. This shows that you’re taking her in and find her attractive without sounding like a dork.

Just remember that appreciating does not mean “ogling.” You can visually appreciate a woman without looking like you’re imagining her naked. (Save that for later…)

Flirt mistake 3: Asking for a date instead of just a small “upsell.”

This is a frequent mistake guys make. They will go talk to a woman, get things going, and then end it with: “Hey, you want to go out on a date sometime?”

You can see the complete change in her eyes and her expression when he does this.

Asking for the date is a big turn off when it’s done too soon. It’s like walking onto a used car lot, and after only 2 minutes of small talk, the salesman asks you to come in and fill out the paperwork. Whoah!

Even on the phone, you don’t want to jump in too far, too fast. Remember that a man represents a whole bunch of “what ifs” to a woman, and your goal is to not start dancing in the minefield of her anxieties and blow things up.

Instead, the best dating advice for this situation is that you go for the easy “upsell.” So here’s my dating advice for men who want to avoid this mistake flirting with women:

If you’ve ever gone to McDonalds, you’ve been offered an “upsell” at one point or another. You probably heard it like this: “Would you like fries with that?”

It’s a brilliant marketing strategy that has increased McDonald’s revenues massively. Just by offering a small add-on, we’re more likely to agree to it.

Don’t ask for the date. Instead, just ask for a quick cup of coffee or tea. A small meeting like this is non-assuming, and will get a much higher acceptance rate from women. They won’t see it as threatening, and they’ll see it as a legit way to actually get to know you.

PLUS you’ll radically reduce the amount of flakes you get. (Most women flake on dates because she just forgets if she was really into you in the first place. She cooled off.)

So there you go. Three of my hottest flirting tips for men that you can put to use RIGHT NOW.